The Ghost of ÉmilieIf so, what's the least sane thing you've done?
I'm just going to start talking about whatever hell.
I've been talking with a particular person a lot recently, and... last night, I had a dream about them getting into an argument with me and us not being friends anymore...
I felt sad about that because... in a perfect world, we would be understanding towards one another and work it out... but since we don't live in a perfect world, what ends up happening a lot of the time is that you say something that makes them angry... and then they write a strongly worded message to you and block you...
Then you might cry for a while, and that's a normal response I suppose...
I saw Tio write Frankie a strongly worded message yesterday... and that made me upset for a moment, because I knew Frankie was just trying to start a conversation about something... Tio seemed not to understand that at all, but maybe he did.
Oh yes, vote on my precious poll. Thank you, thank you.
By the way, some of this may not make any sense.
I think that... no matter what I do... this friend will inevitably explode on me... because I've seen them do it to others, and I'm not perfect and I say stupid things sometimes. I can keep my mouth shut, which I'm good at, but I think I'll probably let something slip at some point.
I don't *want* that... I just think it's what'll probably end up happening. And what should I do when it does? Tell them, "No, you're wrong, and that's not what I meant"? I doubt they'll buy it, but I can try.
It seems like once someone's upset at you, there's no way to tell them otherwise. And that's really unfortunate.
Okay, so actually there are two scenarios... There's the first situation, where you say something, and you didn't intend for it to be taken as seriously as it did, and then someone starts going off on you about their interpretation of what you said... Then there's the second situation, where they understood you completely and are still mad at you. In the first situation, like I said, it's really hard to tell them otherwise.
In the second situation, you actually did do something wrong. In that case, you can try to correct your mistake so you don't do it again in the future. They might still be mad at you, though, like in the first situation... so you might just have to change for yourself, not them (since they might still go off on you and block you no matter what).
There's one particular person on fedi who was sexually harassing people... and they said sorry but still didn't change... That was annoying.
There haven't been any times on fedi where I've "gone off" on someone. I just don't see the point of it... because it doesn't teach them anything, and depending on how they take it, it can deeply hurt their feelings... so I don't do that.
Instead, I try to coach people into coming to the correct answer on their own. I don't get mad at them if they don't, since it doesn't really affect me personally either way, no matter what they do.
I might say to myself, "Hm, that's dumb, but okay..." but I don't go out of my way to prove that to them... I just do something else and forget about it.
In the last argument I saw on fedi, two people were both trying to "prove something" to each other, and neither of them were getting anywhere... It kept going in circles, too, because the second person couldn't understand how what they were saying could possibly be wrong. It wasn't.
It wasn't wrong, it's just that the first person was on a rampage, trying to prove themselves... and they were right, too. So... both sides were right, and they were arguing as if they disagreed with each other. It was pretty dumb.
Then... something even dumber happened... And I couldn't even explain why it was dumb.
Let's call the first person Angel and the second person Joe.
So... after this argument, the one where both people were right... Joe makes this post... which is a critique of the way Angel was talking... but it was so unclear.
I get the feeling someone might say "But you're unclear" at this point, because that's what the troll within me would say to myself... I just want to say that I know you're out there and I get it.
The post was unclear because it was directed at Angel, but Angel was never referenced specifically. As in, they wanted Angel to read it and understand their behavior was wrong, but they didn't actually send it to Angel.
And from my previous interactions with Joe, I knew there was no way in hell they would ever put two and two together and see this was directed at them.
And no, I'm not a hypocrite because this is me telling a story, and this is not directed at anyone and I don't want anyone to change as a result of reading this.
Now I'm thinking about what a better way to get someone to change is...
This thread is such a mess... Anyway...
I think the first step... is to get them to "opt-in" to what you're saying... So you would say something like "Hey (Name), I felt weird about our interaction earlier, can we talk about that?"
That's a very important step... because if you don't do that, then they might get defensive because they might disagree that something they did is wrong, or they might not understand how it was wrong.
If they opt-in to have a conversation about it, that's a lot better than just starting with "Here's a list of things you do wrong."
This was going somewhere, but I forgot where. I would say... other than that, focus on the positive, focus on yourself, and try to only correct one behavior at once... Also don't correct every behavior (like the people who remind you of your grammar mistakes).
I would like to go more into what exactly those things mean... but... it's past midnight... so maybe tomorrow.
Dr. PercyGood night fedi with the lowercase F. #Fedi
Oh chit, I still haven't gone to bed yet.
@frankie Well, I could join a cult, I guess. What day is it? Oh, it's Friday.
@thebiologist1117
Ah, Em, the best day to join a cult, indeed! 🥳
Ah, Em, the best day to join a cult, indeed! 🥳
@thebiologist1117
I'd observed something in a George Harrison song, in which he sings, "While I'm sitting here doing nothing but aging..." 
That's a swell statement. Even if we think we're not doing anything at a given point in time, we are in fact aging!
*ages*
@frankie Once you age enough, it starts to get noticeable... Luckily, even just 20 years feels like forever when you're growing up.
@frankie And I've got... 4 more of those to go till I'm 100.
@frankie What if I only ever posted as replies to this thread?
@frankie I guess I'll reblog my own poll. 🎉
@thebiologist1117
I bookmark some important posts of mine, so that I can periodically retoot it!
Fedilab even has a schedule-a-boost feature!
@frankie Oh, that's a cool idea... Maybe I'll try that. I try to reblog every post from #GoodMorningClub... I also reblog people's posts if they reblog mine...
@futureisfoss I like being smart.
Oh... I really have to take a shower...
Lydia Conwell 
@lydiaconwell Did you ever try... 😏
@thebiologist1117 No, not yet. But I will do when i've got time.
@lydiaconwell Okie! I was curious.
@thebiologist1117 How long does it take to install, anyway? I'm expecting a morning and some part of the afternoon.
I just imagine there's some important set up things you have to do before installing.
@lydiaconwell It takes me about 20 minutes to install Debian.
@lydiaconwell Debian is a popular Linux distribution.
@thebiologist1117 OK. It will take me 20 hours probably!
@lydiaconwell Linux tip: You can run Linux from within Windows with a popular free program called VirtualBox.
@thebiologist1117 I wanna do Linux instead of Windows.
@thebiologist1117
then strangers (or old friends) lurking in your profile could be confused owing to the lack of context!
And they'd have to go through the entire thread, with probably a 1000 messages!
Rokosun@frankie @thebiologist1117
A new definition for hellthread! 
Em, I don't recommend you do this BTW, it'll be an insanely long thread and will make me dizzy 😄
@frankie @thebiologist1117 Frankie you're so funny, haha 😄