Pratyusha Varanasi 🌱🏳️‍🌈Nov 19, 2019

TW: Self harm

Yesterday was horrible. I lied to everyone that I didn't go into work because of period cramps.

Truth is, I didn't go in because I was too depressed to function. I slept the day away. I felt inadequate and frustrated. I acted on my pain and cut myself. But I reached out for support.

Show threadPratyusha Varanasi 🌱🏳️‍🌈Nov 19, 2019
If you're suicidal, I need you to know that it's okay you're struggling. It's okay that you feel like death is the only answer & if you feel incredibly lonely. But I also need you to know that if anything, you are not alone in your loneliness. I'm lonely. So are more people I know & some people you know.
Show threadPratyusha Varanasi 🌱🏳️‍🌈Nov 19, 2019
If no one has told you yet, it's okay even if you acted on it; I understand that you were in a lot of pain. I know, because often, I am too. But it's important that you reach out now, even if it's after you've acted on it. Someone will want to take care of you, love you & keep you around. I want to keep you around.
Show threadPratyusha Varanasi 🌱🏳️‍🌈Nov 19, 2019
Just get through today? That's all you have to do - survive today. The next 10 minutes. The next hour. Till dinner time. Just till it's bedtime. This cloud will pass. Even if temporarily, it will. And in that brief window of sunshine, you will be warm again. And that warmth will feel good. So let's stick around for it? I'll try with you. Deal?
Show threadPratyusha Varanasi 🌱🏳️‍🌈

I'm still here because I want to hug my girlfriend one more time.
Because in 2 weeks, I'll see my grandmother after a year.
Because I will see a Van Gogh exhibit in December that I have waited the year for.
Because I want to watch the next season of Atypical.
Because I want to eat vada pav from a v specific stall.
Because I want to pet my best friend's dog.
Because they might miraculously make another How To Train Your Dragon film?

What's keeping you alive?

Nov 19, 2019 at 5:30amTusky
Show threadJeremy Frost 🇮🇱🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️Nov 19, 2019
@pratyushavv My dad died recently. Not wanting to subject my mom and our cats to more loss so soon is the main thing keeping me alive, though there are others (wanting to cast a vote in 2020, and possibly run for president in 2024; wanting to ride out the current wave of awesome horror movies and porn films).
Show threadPratyusha Varanasi 🌱🏳️‍🌈Nov 19, 2019
@pinata1138 I wish you strength. I can't imagine how hard it can be to cope with a loss like that. I'm glad you've stuck around. ✨
Show threadJeremy Frost 🇮🇱🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️Nov 19, 2019
@pratyushavv Thanks. I’m glad you’ve stuck around as well, and I wish you strength too. You’re quite clearly very invested in helping people, so it would have been a great loss if you didn’t stick around.
Show threadTanishaNov 19, 2019

@pratyushavv
The butterflies that keeping laying eggs in my plants and needing me to protect them from ants and wasps.
My cats.
My partner and the way his pupils dilate when he looks at me.
His dog.
The trips to Sri Lanka and Andaman that I've been dreaming about for years.

But more than anything else, the fact that I've come this far after all these years of fighting. I'm not ready to give up on me just yet. Thank you for reminding me about that.

More power and strength to you ❤️

Show threadPratyusha Varanasi 🌱🏳️‍🌈Nov 19, 2019

@Sharkhootery omg im so invested in the cocoons on your plants from bird app 😭😭😭💛💛💛

YES PLS STICK AROUND FOR THEM. AND CAUSE I'M SELFISH AND WANT UPDATES. I hope you're able to make those trips soon ✨

Show threadTanishaNov 19, 2019
@pratyushavv OH THAT'S SO SWEET! I'll post updates about the new baby here then! 😭❤️