Scoot PilgrimDec 18, 2018
Lynnesbian 

time for another day in america

6:00am: wake up in chronic pain because i couldn't afford healthcare
6:30am: watch reality TV and documentaries where praying mantises move at 200% speed with panther growls dubbed over it
8:00am: drive kids to school in SUV
9:00am: call comcast
12:30pm: call AT&T
3:00pm: pick up surviving kids from school
3:30pm: get arrested for going 1mp/h over the speed limit
4:00pm: get killed by prison guards
5:00pm: corpse gets shot
5:30pm: corpse is towed and fined

Dec 18, 2018 at 4:37pmWeb
Show threadLynnesbian Jan 1, 2019
"pick up surviving kids from school" holy FUCK
Show threadSEAGAZELLEDec 18, 2018
@lynnesbian lmfao I lost it at "call Comcast, call at&t"
Show threadManroll SteamheimerDec 18, 2018
@lynnesbian This is a perfect post.
Show threadSparrowpharohDec 18, 2018

@lynnesbian

One time I went to walmart but a cop was blocking the entrance, he said there had just been a shooting and to come back in 30min once they move the body.
Then one time I went to walmart and it was just. On fire. Like smoke everywhere firefighters running in and out but people were still shopping. Just had some cones to keep people away from the burning part.
Don't go to walmart I think is the point.

Show threadLynnesbian Dec 18, 2018
@Sparrowpharoh i genuinely can't tell if you're serious
Show threadSparrowpharohDec 18, 2018
@lynnesbian
That's the beauty of america no one ever thinks I'm serious
Show threadA dead bodyDec 18, 2018

@lynnesbian @Sparrowpharoh

I went to walmart the other day and the salvation army was blockin my way so I flipped em off.