I have to admit I thought long and hard about including the 1st photo in this post as I look and felt so vulnerable but then I realised that I should because that’s the whole point.
Vulnerable is exactly how I’m feeling and have been feeling for a good week and that feeling will be high up there until after my birthday on the 23rd of this month. Now that I’m exploring my feelings instead of ignoring them, I’m aware that I feel this way every year. My birthday has always been tied up with feelings of rejection, pain and loss. I can honestly say I haven’t had many birthdays at all that have been joyful but those years that were I hold very dear because they are so rare.
I have decided to pick through all of the pain so that I can finally find peace, hopefully. As birthdays are supposed to be celebrations (so I’m told) I would like for this one to be the last painful one.
This morning I found a bubble blower and I sat feeling extremely vulnerable and I blew bubbles. I connected with my always sad and confused inner child and let her feel peace. The chirping of the birds, the sun on her skin, the beauty of the bubbles in the sunshine and that magical popping sound. No pressure, no anything, just being exactly in the moment of beauty and wonder. I think allowing my inner child out is key to healing, she went through so much and deserves to feel joy, laughter and freedom to be her without judgement. I say without judgement because it’s something I’ve always done since I was a child and it’s stifled me as an adult.
I have a week or so to figure out how but I’m going to try and let this birthday be one for my inner child, to see if I can help us to heal. #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthjourney #healing #healingfromtrauma #healingisaprocess #innerchild #innerchildtherapy #therapy #findingjoy #findingpeace #workinprogress

My mental health is on the floor lately trying to keep body and soul together is a massive challenge. Even on the worst of days there is always that little spark in me, desperate to cling on to life, that tells me to find something, anything that will get me to see in another day and to keep fighting even if I just get out of the front door and figure it out from there. Yesterday was brutal and was almost one of those days were all I can do is stare at the bedroom wall whilst I wallow in bed but something in me forced myself up and out of the door. I take help, advice and suggestions wherever I can, my daughter is a very wise soul who can read me like a book and usually knows what is best for me in that moment, even when I don’t. Yesterday it was letting go, finding my voice and my inner child (something I find extremely difficult, I was very serious as a child for reasons and wasn’t childlike at all, so trying to find an inner child that is barely there is hard). @emily_ruby08 helps me to let go, be silly and be actually me. We screamed, whooped, smashed sheets of ice (our very own rage room) and laughed a lot. I’m so proud of how capable she is at recognising and managing her own mental health, knowing what she needs and having no fear at all in asking for it, I want to be her when I grow up. #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthawareness #rage #scream #shout #findyourvoice #ask #ptsd #complextrauma #therapy #innerchild #innerchildtherapy #besilly #daughtergoals