My depressive episodes routinely confuse me by their contradictory nature. Inwardly It's a riptide that spins me head over heels so idk which way is up but the outward manifestation of that would belie a calm river. I wrote the other day that: "idk if this current is warm or cold/calm or raging/stormy or clear/its just endlessly carrying me/until it ends and I'm me again". Ymmv #depression #ptsd #cptsd #anxiousdepressive