On 4 December the Church commemorates Clement of Alexandria, who was a second century scholar and teacher, but also something of a crank. In trying to protect the reputation of Christianity as a 'respectable religion' and not just one for slaves and commoners, he compiled a guide to Christian behaviour that often strayed into... well, silliness. The sections on eating and drinking are often treated as a second-century book of table manners.

They include such gems as:
🍽️ Keep your hands, mouth, and couch free from stains
🍽️ Swallow gently
🍽️ Don't talk with your mouth full
🍽️ Don't eat and drink at the same time

But then he also says:
🍞 No whistling, hissing, or snapping your fingers for the servants
🍞 No spitting, violent coughing, or blowing your nose
🍞 No scratching your ears or inducing sneezes (apparently, this leads to fornication!)

‘As for young men, let them keep their eyes fixed on their own couch, lean on their elbow without too much fidgeting… If they should be sitting, let them not put their feet one on top of the other, nor cross their legs, nor rest their chin upon their hands. It is a lack of good breeding to fail to support oneself, yet a fault common in the young. To be forever shifting one’s position argues for levity of character.’

And all this before the chapter where he talks more than you would expect about the sex lives of hyenas!

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