Ruth O'DayA few days ago I had a call with my ex-wife.
A little background:
We divorced in the early 1990s, before I crossed over, stayed in contact for a little bit then grew apart. Then I went full-time, had surgery and figured why should I disrupt the life that she had made for herself.
About 20 years later, I had grown to think that she should know. And I finally acted on it, I contacted her by post and outed myself.
She emailed back, it was all good. But contact was infrequent, usually me just reporting in when I quit a job or had a contract run out or found a new job. That lasted for a few years.
Then I got a job in Europe. It was busy moving so I never got around to telling her until after I got there. She said that she wished she could have met me before I left.
We have met a few times since then, but mostly we just video call.
In the first year or so after I outed, I thought that if she ever wanted to make a go of it, I could do that. But the more we talked, the more that I felt that I would never want that.
The biggest thing is that I see her as controlling. Maybe, pre-transition, nothing mattered to me so if she was controlling, then that was fine with me. But now that things matter, I am more alert to anyone's controlling behaviour.