Dammit
For some reason the kernel isn't seeing my laptop speakers as an output device. Morad, I'm pretty sure I heard the startup jingle back when I first installed Linux on this laptop....
Thinking I'll stop using #Magiea and try #OpenMandriva or #PClinuxOS something with a newer kernel (I'm on 6.4) and see if the problem magically goes away.
(I also want something that doesn't need me to compile Signal myself ideally, and has Wayland for desktop scaling when I use the laptop to run my TV)