I’ve been going to #DEFCON since DEFCON 3 — this year was #DEFCON33 Do the math. That’s three decades of heat, chaos, #linecon and watching people discover that “defcon Wi-Fi” and “reliable” are still mortal enemies.

But this year? I think I’m over it.

Talks? Recorded. I can watch them later in pajamas with a fine añejo, no line badge, and no one shoving me in a hallway.

Villages & CTFs? Amazing… if the Wi-Fi gods smile on you, which they never do. Honestly, DEFCON’s network has become a hazing ritual.

Vegas in August? Nothing says “fun” like sprinting between air-conditioned meat lockers in 110°F heat. SPF 200 should be in the swag bag.

Prices? A breakfast burrito + water for $20. At the con. Not a five-star restaurant. Not gold-plated. Just… airport prices with worse chairs. And tequila? Don Julio Primavera — $38 at one restaurant, $90 at another. WTaF!?!?

Goons… tricky subject. I adore many of them — they work their feathers off in a thankless role. But some (likely the freshly minted variety) seem to be role-playing “mall cop during the apocalypse,” yelling at attendees like we’re about to breach the launch codes. Power trip much?

DEFCON’s gotten too big. Limit tickets. Split it into East/West. Bring it back to something human-scale before it collapses under its own badge weight. Right now, it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet of sensory overload with a side of heatstroke.

This year, I lasted one day (two if you count standing in LineCon as “attendance”). Was it worth it? Nope. I got great notes for my next talk, but I could have done that at any decent BSides with functioning Wi-Fi, affordable food, and fewer attendees cosplaying as conference hall traffic cones.

I’ll miss the once-a-year friend reunions… but yeah. My 30th DEFCON will probably be my last. #cybersecurity #hackersummercamp @sashatheflamingo