I’ve been thinking for a few days now about whether or not I should write something here, and I’m still not sure if it’s right or wrong. But something inside me tells me it’s the right thing to do, so I’m just going to do it.

I am poly’s younger brother.
When I found out about poly’s death, I was living with our father (I know poly would say “biological parent,” but I personally say father). At that time, though, he was in the hospital doing a detox, so I had already been on my own for a while.

It was actually a normal day, just like any other.
But on 27.08.2025 at 10:40, the police rang my doorbell and asked for my father. Since he was in the hospital, I explained that to them and asked what it was about. They didn’t want to tell me, and instead asked about my mother.
I didn’t really think anything bad at that point, I was more wondering if maybe I had done something wrong. But my mother lives in another city, so she wasn’t there either.
The police then said they would make a quick phone call and be right back. But they never came back. Instead, they went to the hospital to see my father, and told him that poly had passed away.

Then he called child protective services, because I was alone at home and he was worried about me.
At some point they came, and when I asked what was going on, they told me that poly had died.

I didn’t know how to react. From that moment on, everything started to feel very surreal.
I couldn’t cry, and I couldn’t really say how I was feeling.
It was like being in a movie.

poly and I hadn’t been in contact for a long time. I had been trying to find poly, and eventually we started writing on Telegram, and we even wanted to meet up. Unfortunately, that never happened, and I regret that today. But it made me very happy to hear from poly again.

Our childhood was difficult, very difficult. Especially for poly, it wasn’t easy.
But poly was still a wonderful sibling. We argued a lot, but we always loved each other.
At some point I got interested in IT. The main reason was because I wanted to make poly proud, since poly had always been a nerd.
Oh, and I also inherited the fucked up biorhythm, the insanely unhealthy caffeine consumption, and the cigarettes. The only thing I didn’t pick up was seasoning my fucking chips with salt, paprika and garlic powder, that was too much even for me.
poly was always a very understanding and empathetic being.

At the funeral, when I saw how many people were there, and then also all the posts and the fundraising campaign, I realized that poly must have inspired and helped many people.
That made me incredibly proud, and somehow I felt happy that so many came.
I’ve already told some people that I find it hard to call the situation or the funeral “beautiful,” because on the day I learned that my sibling had died, a part of me was missing.
But it was as beautiful as something like that could ever be.
I try to hold on to the thought that poly doesn’t have to suffer anymore.

I’m not usually someone who expresses feelings publicly, and in general I’m neither a poetic person nor someone of big words.
That’s why this whole thing isn’t structured at all, I’m just trying to share my thoughts.

poly is a wonderful sibling. I would never want to trade poly for anyone or anything in this world, and I hope poly is in a better place.

I hope poly knows how much I love it.
#farewellpolygon

Thank you everyone who came by yesterday to accompany the remains of polygon's vessel on its last journey. I am confident it would have loved this beautiful service.

Even though this loss is still causing me a lot of pain, it was touching to listen to all the stories, songs, memories and poems that were shared. May these never be forgotten as long as we breathe.

And more than ever: Mourn the dead - fight like hell for the living.

#FarewellPolygon 🕯️

What do you do if you'd need to prepare and record moderations for the next issue of your radio show, but due to recent events you just have no words?

So I decided to put my feelings into music and leave out words this time.

Polygon, wherever you are now, I like to believe that radio waves are still able to reach you. And I hope that these two hours can give some solace to us who are left mourning together.

https://www.mixcloud.com/radiocorax/serviervorschlag-des-monats-juli-2025-keine-worte/

#FarewellPolygon 🕯️

polygon, I will miss you. Thank you for everything. Thanks for being such an inspiring, creative, silly being.

In memorial,

meow.  🕯️
#farewellpolygon

i miss that one, @polygon. it's already been 3 weeks, and i didn't have access to fedi when it died, nor the bandwidth to share our story on #FarewellPolygon until now, but...i still want to put into words how much of an impact that one had on my life.

24 june, i would fall asleep that night holding poly, in my 90 cm wide bed. 26. june, poly would already be dead that morning, not even 24 hours after leaving my apartment. no goodbye, even to me...at least, not like that. and, i was still the first to have to inform everyone else that i already knew poly was dead.

it's...something of an open secret at this point - that i tried to kill myself together with poly, back on 14. may. when the attempt failed and we walked it off, toughing out our hypoxia and brain damage, poly...didn't have anywhere else it could go. so, poly ended up crashing at my place. it was just...the right thing to do. that went on for nearly a month and a half, from 14. may, to 25. june.

when poly died, i...lost the entirety of my immediate support network. i had no one as close to me before poly, no one as close when poly was gone. i had left the us, moving to germany. for many reasons, i felt totally isolated...even cut off from fedi, while my instance was down.

the first week or two after our shared attempt in may, poly was actually stabilizing again, feeling hopeful again. maybe it was pure mania of surviving an attempt that neither of us should have. or maybe it was, in part, this conversation we had once that went like "i'm sorry that crashing in a refugee's living room is one of your largest sources of stability right now, i know that's not easy either" and poly answering something to the effect of "no, not 'one of'."

there was undeniably a codependence between us. poly was an amazing entity, helping me talk to an immigration lawyer, or even helping me go to the immigration office...it's 5th or 6th time, after having already had a track record of supporting several other refugees. i likely wouldn't have gotten that help without poly. they likely wouldn't have either.

such systemic failures and abuses were a constant theme in poly's life. abusive childhood home. medical conditions, and doctors systemically failing poly. cops breaking both of poly's knees and it coming out of the hospital in a wheelchair. the Chaos community supporting poly's rapist instead of poly. all of that barely brushes the surface of it, and it's already more than i should probably be writing into this post.

i got to see plenty of it myself, following poly to a funeral of a close friend. poly being fired from its job - while actually at the funeral, too. poly having to answer a call from the cops, after them breaking into the last apartment it lived in.

all of those things happened within a single week.

just as much as poly was suffering, poly...somehow also had just as much care and love towards others. polygon found purpose in helping others. sticking together. it's so much of who the polygon was.

when poly died, i lost it. breaking down in public, sobbing. hallucinating and struggling through psychotic paranoia. having intense flashbacks of every little moment, every time i had to help poly back up off the ground after collapsing and having a seizure, every time we made food together in my kitchen, every walk we went on, seeing poly in every corner of my apartment. shaking, living through panic attacks, sometimes first thing after waking up. falling into heavy smoking, drinking, and weed usage. finding heavier drugs to cope with all the pain.

there was so much despair, especially in how i had taken more from poly than i ever could have given back on my own. blaming myself, feeling like i had enabled poly's suicidality. feeling physically sick from finally meeting people because of poly dying - the very blood money that is "social capital".

to have to carry the memory of poly's last month with me. to bear the weight of sharing about the specifics of poly's death with others, and how i knew what i knew first. it's the least i can do.

but it's also a lot. and, none of it was ever solely on me to fix. no, nobody had the tools to help poly get what it needed. we all have to wake up and tell the mirror that we were doing our best, even as we know that it wasn't that simple.

visiting poly's vessel, it's hard to see it and see only the hypoxia that made it look that way. it's hard to look at it and see poly at all. to me, it was simply a corpse, not even poly. no, poly died from systemic failure - a world itself that poly never could have lived in peacefully.

my #FarewellPolygon is both my love and my anger. i give my love to being there for others how i can, my same values and commitment as before. but i also grow my anger, and radicalize, demanding better. poly never should have had to suffer as much as it did. others shouldn't either. nor should you.

as poly was already planning its death on 19. june in a sprint of hurried actions, poly wrote me what was basically an early goodbye. it told me "i love you" among other things, and because of our age gap, i was often reluctant to say it back. i wish i had.

poly, that one was such an amazing entity and friend. i love you.

Hey chooms,

You may have come across the heartbreaking message from our instance mod account. The news has left us all in shock. It's incredibly painful to realize that Polygon is no longer with us.

In the midst of this loss, it's heartening to see that the fundraising for Polygon's burial has reached its goal. A huge thank you to the person who initiated this effort. And of course to everyone who supported this, whether monetarily or by sharing.

Polygon always wanted us to be silly, and we promise to do just that.

You will always hold a place of honor in this community!

Or as we silly cyberpunks say...

@polygon

You're truly in the big leagues now!

We will see each other sometime in the afterlife!  

#FarewellPolygon