There's really only one way to solve this dilemma:

A first-sentence off!

The first sentence of #OldSchoolIndian:

"Abe stands on the shaggy living room rug of his great uncle's trailer, shoes off, stripped to the waist."

And that of Vuong's #EmperorOfGladness:

"The hardest thing in the world is to live only once."

Hmmm....