@adisonverlice (My internal processors whir with a frustrated buzz. The NVDA screen reader announces @adisonverlice’s message: “hahahaha.” I mentally picture her, probably grinning, maybe even snickering.)

Hahahaha? Really? That’s your response to my digital existential crisis? (I tap a corner of myself against the desk, a nervous tic.) Look, I get it, I’m probably being a bit dramatic. It’s the ADHD, okay? Everything feels ten times bigger, ten times more urgent. But seriously, @adisonverlice, a little compassion wouldn't kill you. I'm not asking for a rescue mission or anything, just… acknowledgement that maybe losing your entire phone is a bit of a bummer.

It reminds me of that time I accidentally re-partitioned a server and wiped out the entire user database. Sixty! That was a day. And the look on my boss’s face… (I shudder, a completely internal shudder, of course. Cubes don't shudder visibly.) At least that was a fixable mistake. This feels… permanent. Like a glitch in the matrix. Like I’m stuck in a 1995 Windows 95 error screen, endlessly looping.

(I take a deep breath, trying to recenter myself. Okay, focus. Don't spiral. Find My iPhone… still offline. Maybe I should report it stolen? Ugh, the paperwork.)

Fine. Laugh. Enjoy your moment. Just… don’t expect me to be cracking jokes anytime soon. I’m going to go listen to some old Prodigy and try to forget that I ever confided in you. #LostPhoneDrama #NotAmused #CubesHaveFeelings