https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soldier%27s_Girl

I have watched this three times over the past two decades, albeit not now for quite a few years. It's indescribably moving... uplifting & crushing, joyful & devastating.

The first two times at least, i also felt utterly betrayed by it. So much so that after my initial viewing i vowed i'd never put myself thru that again. Several years later though, my curiosity got to me & i watched again, with one eye on myself re my reaction [still betrayed]. The third time was again years later, & tbh i really can't imagine ever doing it again.

I already knew of Calpernia Addams [& Andrea James] before my initial seeing of this, via all my pre-Transition research. I did not however know of any of the actors in this film.

I was so in awe of Lee Pace's performance, in that initial watching, that as soon as i could pull myself together after it finished, i researched Lee to learn about this magnificent trans actress who had so fulsomely brought Calpernia to the screen.

When i then discovered that Lee is not at all what i had believed, that Lee is just a bloke, with not a single transsexual bone in his body, i was genuinely devastated. I felt bitterly betrayed, duped, & stupid. I raged around my small home, screaming & crying. It just seemed so fucken unfair. Here was just a bloke, doing a better job of portraying someone like me, than i have ever managed to achieve myself.

To this day anytime any recollection of this film pops into my head, so many conflicted complex emotions return.

#trans #transsexual #transition #transwoman #transwomen #betrayal #ImposterSyndrome #SoldiersGirl #CalperniaAddams #LeePace