Dreading the onslaught of microaggressions at your upcoming holiday family gathering?

Try Watisdatsupozedamine!™*

* Use as directed. Ask your doctor if Watsidatsupozedamine?™ is right for you.

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture #AskQuestions #deconditioning #cults

My last and most important tip:

This process will very, very quickly out people who are abusers and bullies at heart. Who love the hating part of being fash. They deep-down consider themselves superior, and wet their pantaloons over imagining the horrors that are happening and will continue to happen. You will have few, if any, values in common with such a person. And they cannot be changed.

My guess is (and some studies show) that about 1 in 10 people fall somewhere in this category. Asking questions is the best way to discover who they are.

And when they tell you who they are, listen.

Aside from your own scientific curiosity about what makes such people tick, there is absolutely no productive discussion that can come from continuing to speak with a person like this. You will only hurt yourself and whoever is in earshot.

So if you get to this point? Stop. Eat more stuffing and talk about sportsball.

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults

Remember, you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. These are not academic debates among people who have agreed on certain epistemological rules. This is the realm of rhetoric and persuasion, an area we on the scientific left have neglected because it's "irrational," and thus ceded entire territories because we're not willing to be humble and meet people on their own turf. This is some western white colonizer shite that I'm in the process of unpacking myself.

You're not committing a logical fallacy by talking about feelings. We are feeling creatures.

You're not being unreasonable by trying to understand what feels to you an unreasonable position. You are connecting to another human for the purpose of communication.

You aren't winning points on a scoreboard! Congratulations! In the contest of being the most correct and in alignment with reality, you won years ago! Now stop waving your prize in front of everyone and learn to humanize – not just them, but yourself and every marginalized person you are trying to protect.

But neither is this process about excusing fash behavior or prioritizing fragile privileged feelings above the realities of those marginalized! You're not letting anyone off the hook. In fact, you're putting the person on the hook in a way that allows them to confront their own internal world.

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults

Example Questions Part 3:

Could there be a good reason for that?

Do you know the context of why it was decided that way?

How does that work exactly? Walk me through it.

What would happen if....

How many [queer, PoC, those affected by a certain policy, etc] people do you know / have you talked to / have you heard out about this topic that affects them?

What do you really know about that worldview from the perspective of people who hold it?

Can you explain to me what you think that worldview is?

Can you explain to me the reasons people might believe that?

Why are you afraid of [n]?

Do you think [n] should be illegal?

What’s the difference between ____?

How do you reconcile [stated value] with [stated position that is apparently in conflict]?

Do you believe that everyone should have to earn or prove their right to exist? (If no, then explore how various practices and normal realities of this society require earning or proving a right to exist.)

Can all people be said to be free if some are not free?

Do you think your freedom should come at the cost of someone else's freedom?

Do you think your comfort should come at the cost of someone else's comfort?

Why do you think some people think that's racist?

Do you think that's fair?

Why do you think that's far?

What do you mean by that?

Can you expound?

What are your reasons for believing that?

What would you like to know about my worldview? (If they don't want to know anything, ask them, why not?)

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults