(If it makes you feel uncomfortable that I'm bringing Christianity into this, there — look there! — and go deeper.)

(ESPECIALLY if your urge is to reply, "But ALL religion!" No. Stop and unpack what is making you say that. The thing you're trying to avoid is lurking inside you, and will continue to until you confront it.)

🧵

#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #decolonization #WhitenessIsACult

An unexamined sense of superiority is definitely part of this. I became woke when I realized that while I believed in equality, I didn't act towards equality. That my thoughts and dismissals came from a deeper sense of superiority I didn't realize. Aka "intrinsic biases."

When I learned to trust those I was looking down on, I stopped looking down on them according to my programming. I became more free. I realized they cannot be freed (nor I, as I discovered) via the current neoliberal model.

Because no matter how progressive, our entire civilization is built upon colonization. There is no position of morality as a moderate within a culture with colonization at its foundation.

(And that goes back, in an unbroken chain, to the Roman Empire, carried upon the cross of Christianity.)

🧵

#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #decolonization #WhitenessIsACult

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#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture #AskQuestions #deconditioning #cults

My last and most important tip:

This process will very, very quickly out people who are abusers and bullies at heart. Who love the hating part of being fash. They deep-down consider themselves superior, and wet their pantaloons over imagining the horrors that are happening and will continue to happen. You will have few, if any, values in common with such a person. And they cannot be changed.

My guess is (and some studies show) that about 1 in 10 people fall somewhere in this category. Asking questions is the best way to discover who they are.

And when they tell you who they are, listen.

Aside from your own scientific curiosity about what makes such people tick, there is absolutely no productive discussion that can come from continuing to speak with a person like this. You will only hurt yourself and whoever is in earshot.

So if you get to this point? Stop. Eat more stuffing and talk about sportsball.

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults

Remember, you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. These are not academic debates among people who have agreed on certain epistemological rules. This is the realm of rhetoric and persuasion, an area we on the scientific left have neglected because it's "irrational," and thus ceded entire territories because we're not willing to be humble and meet people on their own turf. This is some western white colonizer shite that I'm in the process of unpacking myself.

You're not committing a logical fallacy by talking about feelings. We are feeling creatures.

You're not being unreasonable by trying to understand what feels to you an unreasonable position. You are connecting to another human for the purpose of communication.

You aren't winning points on a scoreboard! Congratulations! In the contest of being the most correct and in alignment with reality, you won years ago! Now stop waving your prize in front of everyone and learn to humanize – not just them, but yourself and every marginalized person you are trying to protect.

But neither is this process about excusing fash behavior or prioritizing fragile privileged feelings above the realities of those marginalized! You're not letting anyone off the hook. In fact, you're putting the person on the hook in a way that allows them to confront their own internal world.

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults

Example Questions Part 3:

Could there be a good reason for that?

Do you know the context of why it was decided that way?

How does that work exactly? Walk me through it.

What would happen if....

How many [queer, PoC, those affected by a certain policy, etc] people do you know / have you talked to / have you heard out about this topic that affects them?

What do you really know about that worldview from the perspective of people who hold it?

Can you explain to me what you think that worldview is?

Can you explain to me the reasons people might believe that?

Why are you afraid of [n]?

Do you think [n] should be illegal?

What’s the difference between ____?

How do you reconcile [stated value] with [stated position that is apparently in conflict]?

Do you believe that everyone should have to earn or prove their right to exist? (If no, then explore how various practices and normal realities of this society require earning or proving a right to exist.)

Can all people be said to be free if some are not free?

Do you think your freedom should come at the cost of someone else's freedom?

Do you think your comfort should come at the cost of someone else's comfort?

Why do you think some people think that's racist?

Do you think that's fair?

Why do you think that's far?

What do you mean by that?

Can you expound?

What are your reasons for believing that?

What would you like to know about my worldview? (If they don't want to know anything, ask them, why not?)

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults

Example Questions Part 2:

What is truth?

How do you know what is true?

Why do you trust [n] information source?

Why do you distrust opposing information sources?

[Questions that get at the root of trust are great at destabilizing trust in bad actors. P.S. It is morally ok to mistrust someone!]

Do you think your sources might be keeping information away from you that would change your mind?

Why do you need that to be true?

How would you know if you are wrong?

What would happen if you are wrong? How would that feel? How would you cope with that?

What evidence would convince you that your conclusions are incorrect?

What do you think might convince me of your position?

If you were being manipulated, how would you know?

What makes you different from people who are being manipulated? Why would you know and they wouldn’t?

How do you define "manipulation"? How does it work?

Do you feel like you've worked hard and did everything right and now you're not getting what you were promised?

Where is the line for deciding [n – who deserves a safety net, what the optimal rate of taxation is, punishment for a specific crime, who gets to immigrate, what someone's gender is, etc]?

Who should decide [n] and why?

...for who? (Safe for who? Good for who? Profitable for who? Efficient for who?)

Who benefits the most from that?

How do you benefit from this situation/policy/value/talking point?

What's in it for them?

Who do you think is incentivized to be behind [n]?

What does that rule incentivize?

What outcome would you like to see?

By what standards will you measure the outcome?

When [historical law passed or action taken] happened, what did you think the outcome would be? Did that come to pass?

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults

Example Questions Part 1:

These questions are just a guide. In the discussion, you will adapt them or think of your own most appropriate to the direction of the conversation.

The biggest question for *yourself* is: What would make this person believe that?

That's you fostering YOUR OWN curiosity and you trying to solve YOUR dissonance over your loved one's difficult stance.

–

When in doubt, channel your inner toddler and ask "Why?"

Ask for their definitions of basic concepts or values they’ve expressed.

What is your definition of:
Fairness?
Freedom?
Love?
Kindness?
Equality?
Rationality?
Justice?
Rights?
Power?
Good?
Evil?
Morality?
Responsibility?
etc.

What is the role or purpose of:
Taxes?
Laws?
Regulations?
Investment?
Property?
Infrastructure?
Conflict of interest?
Safety nets?
Police?
Public health?
etc.

What would you say your top 5 standards/values are for deciding your political positions?

What are the benefits of [thing they disagree with]?

What are some downsides of [thing they agree with]?

Could those benefits be accomplished another way, without the downsides?

Do you think most people are [trait – smart, good or evil, responsible, etc]?

Why would someone do something like [a bad behavior they have described]?

What would you do in their situation?

Do you think nothing like that could happen to you? Why?

Do you think everyone in a bad situation deserves it? What percentage?

I assume most people are smart or act reasonably within their own experience. Why would a smart person make a stupid decision like that?

Why do you think you know more about how to solve their problems than the people who are in the situation?

Why do you think they're mad?

When did you first learn that? Who taught that to you? How old were you? Have you revisited those assumptions?

What is truth?

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults

Tips Part 2:

If they become defensive, you have stepped into their "psychological inoculation" or a conditioned reaction against that line of thinking. Defensiveness is a cognitive dissonance reaction, a sign to STOP that approach and try something new. If you find yourself "arguing" or feeling anxious or upset, it is time to change directions, take a break, or stop for now.

Follow up questions with more questions, like the question game. "What do you mean by...?" You can make statements or clarify your own position, but try to stick with questions and give them as much of the floor as possible.

It's counterintuitive, but questions put you in control of the flow of discussion, even though they will do most of the speaking. If they're answering, they're THINKING. This is 1000x better than preaching.

🧵

#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults