there are so many selfish things my parents did or things they did that made/make other people uncomfortable

and it's still so hard for me to think about those things and not, deep down, feel guilty for not somehow preventing them from acting like that

and I don't know when that's ever gonna change? like I know, intellectually, how fucked up that is. I have no control over them and I certainly didn't when I was a literal child

but I still feel like I dropped the ball