[me plugging wires into backstab terminals terminals on an outlet]

Haha fuck yeah!! Yes!!

[me trying to get wires loose from a backstab terminal to switch an outlet]

Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck

“(…) phenomenal,” says the customer on the conference call.

“Doo dooo do dodo,” I sing in response like a Muppet automatically.

Adrenaline spiking, I verify I’m muted…. I am. This time.

It will happen again, I know it will.

Hopefully the same will be true for the mute status.

"From the way folks have been talking, you’d think everyone falls into two buckets: those who voted against the mayor who promised to blow up the city and those who voted for the mayor who promised to blow up the city."

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/voting-for-the-mayor-who-promised-to-blow-up-the-city-doesnt-mean-i-approve-of-the-mayor-blowing-up-the-city

When I honk at someone in traffic who just did something aggressively stupid (as in unlikely to be a mistake) it’s not because I think they will care what I, a stranger, thinks.

I do it because if they have a passenger, it might embarrass them in front of someone whose opinion they care about.

Hardware clerk: “Would you like a bag for this little stuff for five cents”

Me: “No need, I have cargo shorts.”

Hardware clerk: [no expression but obviously impressed, their poker face is incredible though]

Me: [proudly waddles out the door, clanking]

My wife is gonna feel SO silly for doubting.

Just passed what I thought was a mime gardening before realizing it was just someone wearing a horizontal black & white striped shirt.

Have they done to fashion what Kaiser Wilhelm did to comically twirly mustaches? (certainly the worst thing a German or Austrian has done to mustache fashion)