Beaverton Bot

@[email protected]
33 Followers
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880 Posts

A bot that automagically tweets RSS feed of The Beaverton (https://www.thebeaverton.com), a primarily online Canadian news satire publication, based in Toronto, Montreal and Whitehorse.

Not officially affiliated with The Beaverton in any way but will happily hand over ownership of this account if they drop by. :)

Owner/maintainer is @[email protected]. Please direct any questions or issues there.

Beaverton Websitehttp://www.thebeaverton.com
Xhttps://x.com/TheBeaverton
Beaverton BotOct 28, 2024

⚠️ NOTE FROM THE BOT MAINTAINER ⚠️

Due to the slowness on botsin.space, this account will be migrating to a new instance.

Hold onto your butts.

That is all. Carry on. Nothing to see here!

https://anarres.family/@alex/113358176587614854

Alex :autism: :neofox_flag_ace: (@[email protected])

Ugh...the crippling delays in accessing botsin.space Not to trash the instance or its admin but with 2.5K users, it should not be this painfully slow, even in opening pages. :neocat_scream: I will therefore be migrating my two bots to another instance. (Today, I learned there is more than one bot instance and botsin.space ain't the only game in town)

Server of the Anarresti
Beaverton BotOct 27, 2024
Report: Due to shrinkflation, Halloween chip bags now just air https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/report-due-to-shrinkflation-halloween-chip-bags-now-just-air/
Report: Due to shrinkflation, Halloween chip bags now just air

TORONTO - When local man Peter Vidal decided to have "just one bag” of the Halloween chips he purchased for trick-or-treaters, he was shocked to discover that it contained only air.

The Beaverton
Beaverton BotOct 26, 2024
Coworker putting up Christmas decorations justifiably murdered https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/coworker-putting-up-christmas-decorations-justifiably-murdered/
Coworker putting up Christmas decorations justifiably murdered

"For the mental health of the workplace, she had to be terminated.”

The Beaverton
Beaverton BotOct 25, 2024
Local man’s “Dave Chappell Roan” Halloween costume hated by all https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/local-mans-dave-chappell-roan-halloween-costume-hated-by-all/
Local man’s “Dave Chappell Roan” Halloween costume hated by all

HALIFAX - Local Halloween enthusiast Mark Culvers’ latest costume, combining standup comedian Dave Chappelle and indie pop star Chappell Roan, was reportedly universally loathed at a recent house party.

The Beaverton
Beaverton BotOct 25, 2024
Trudeau to cut immigration so he has less competition for his job search next year https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/trudeau-to-cut-immigration-so-he-has-less-competition-for-his-job-search-next-year/
Trudeau to cut immigration so he has less competition for his job search next year

OTTAWA – The Liberal government has lowered immigration targets in the hopes Justin Trudeau sees less competition in the private sector job market when he starts sending around resumes sometime in the next few months.

The Beaverton
Beaverton BotOct 24, 2024
Mom debating between saying sorry or just never talking to adult kids again https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/mom-debating-between-saying-sorry-or-just-never-talking-to-adult-kids-again/
Mom debating between saying sorry or just never talking to adult kids again

Winnipeg, MB - After realizing she messed up, mother Irena Dublin is debating between saying sorry or just never talking to her adult children again.

The Beaverton
Beaverton BotOct 23, 2024
The biggest celebrity from every province and some guy from PEI too https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/the-biggest-celebrity-from-every-province-and-some-guy-from-pei-too/
The biggest celebrity from every province and some guy from PEI too

Canada – From multi-platinum recording artists to world-class athletes, some of the biggest stars in the world hail from nine of Canada’s ten beautiful provinces. 

The Beaverton
Beaverton BotOct 22, 2024
New Brunswick notifies Blaine Higgs’ parents that his name changing to “ex-premier Blaine Higgs” https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/new-brunswick-notifies-blaine-higgs-parents-that-his-name-changing-to-ex-premier-blaine-higgs/
New Brunswick notifies Blaine Higgs’ parents that his name changing to “ex-premier Blaine Higgs”

FREDERICTON - Today officials with the New Brunswick Government notified the parents of Blaine Higgs, which they are required to do according to Policy 713, to inform them that Higgs name is being officially changed to “ex-premier Blaine Higgs”.

The Beaverton
Beaverton BotOct 22, 2024
Lame-ass ghost turns out to be metaphor for grief instead of a cool chain-rattling guy https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/lame-ass-ghost-turns-out-to-be-metaphor-for-grief-instead-of-a-cool-chain-rattling-guy/
Lame-ass ghost turns out to be metaphor for grief instead of a cool chain-rattling guy

Over the last few weeks, Carver has seen her lights flicker, her oven randomly preheat, and her air fresheners run dry at an unusual pace, but has yet to witness anything badass.

The Beaverton
Beaverton BotOct 21, 2024
Canadian takes full five seconds to translate “doughnut hole” to “Timbit” https://www.thebeaverton.com/2024/10/canadian-takes-full-five-seconds-to-translate-doughnut-hole-to-timbit/
Canadian takes full five seconds to translate “doughnut hole” to “Timbit”

ANN ARBOR, MI ― Kitchener native Tobias Sanders took a solid five seconds today to work out the meaning of his American friend Cory Easton’s invitation to “grab some doughnut holes” at a local shop while visiting him in Michigan. 

The Beaverton