I don't think we should do this to Boris Johnson on his birthday. Not unless we're going to make it an annual thing.

Hey, we might get bonfires back.

#CheckForHedgehogs

Strimmed my front garden. Okay, it's practically a postage stamp but it was in a Ballardian humans have been gone for quite a while state.

Head absolutely fucking killing me, rain-on-a-windscreen style perturbations in my vision, and terrible wooziness. Whether my hernia mesh would hold or not seems to have been the least of my problems.

I wish my landlord's rotating representatives could feel this for just one minute. They'd shit a brick.

[Body redundant]

#DogHinges #Wishlist #Starfield

When I am very old I shall sit all day on the bench opposite the supermarket doors just to see people leaving mouth 'argh, fucking [unpurchased item]!", whereupon I will sigh happily along with my benchmates.

I expect there to be a waiting list.

#LowIntensityCardio

Says 'do not reheat' on the side of this jar of curry sauce and presumably also on the other three I got because I'm COOKING A BATCH.

Nice try, Aldi, but I didn't fall for that when it was on microwave ready meals and they were far more likely to fell me on the spot.

(no consumer helpline but I would've demanded scary sound effects as they explained their dire warning anyway)

#Consumer #MyGranReheatedThingsUntilYouAteThemSunshine

He's the kind of rich person that would hire a W.C. Fields character who'd sauntered onto the premises.

#Trump

I can't wait to go shopping tomorrow. For variety if nothing else.

I'm going to be stirring peanut butter into my coffee with a bread stick and all sorts.