Just inhaled a grain of rice up my nose while eating dinner. No idea how.

Cats (the house pet): ★★★★★

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: too many spiders in California.

Odds of the metallic green wrapped Tesla driving like an absolute asshat: 100%

Evidence that @rmondello stopped by.

My anxiety started during musical chairs at summer camp.

I’m always unreasonably excited about the little goodie bag from the dentist.

Why are dishwashers called dishwashers but washing machines aren’t called clothes washers?

I’m at the Whole Foods. I’m at the Burger King. I’m at the combination Whole Foods and Burger King.