[What follows has subtext and doesn't apply to most of the readers.]

So if I say your racist/homophobic/etc. friend has no place in any space I inhabit, it's because I don't have the energy to deal with them. It is for my safety. It is for my mental and emotional well-being. But if you deny this, if you insist I put up with them. If you put the burden on me to deal with their toxicity, then this is how I will deal with it. They will no longer be welcome in my spaces, and neither will you. Because you have become a vehicle for their toxicity. You are enabling the harm and hurt they cause.

People make mistakes. I try to help people learn from their mistakes. But if they don't take, there's nothing I can do. As the saying goes, you can take the horse to the water but you can't make it drink. If you repeatedly defend racism, then you are a racist. If you twist yourself into loops defending homophobia, then you are a homophobe. If you brush sexism under the rug and refuse to allow it to be addressed or if you block any effort at accountability, then a sexist is you. And I don't have spoons for you anymore.

@kistaro

My health issues are completely different from yours and I feel the same way. Good luck with your appointment. I hope it goes well for you.