Phone battery is dying and I'm on the road, but I will engage with anybody who wants to about what I did and how I can make it right (or even of that's possible) when I find time to get to a computer.
| pronouns | he/him |
| houston | texas |
skeleton
- 4 Followers
- 10 Following
- 15 Posts
I fucked up in January by posting racism regarding natives in present-day Central and South America and their cultural practices regarding human sacrifice. The idea that those practices were anywhere close to the genocide committed by white people is abhorrent, and I truly regret posting otherwise. It was so, so wrong. I was a coward and a bigot. Everyone on fedi deserves an apology from me, and I'd be honored to apologize to you, too.
@vestal @setup This is not an excuse, but perhaps an explanation. I once saw CJ post that he wasn't white. I never asked about it, but part of what stayed my hand so long was that I didn't know whether it was appropriate for a white admin to impose on a POC issue. That was the wrong approach, especially considering the outcry I ignored, but that's part of the reasoning.
@vestal @setup I think that's very fair. I can say he won't ever be on my instance again. I don't think it's my place to speculate on his conscience; his apologies are his to make. That said, he had a history of antagonizing and bullying people based on their identity. If he ever decides to return to fedi, he should absolutely apologize and make amends for the damage he wrought.
As his admin, I allowed my friendship with him to cloud my judgment. He was not answerable in any meaningful way, and I even egged him on occasionally. That's part of why I don't want Cryptids to ever come back. I don't think I did a good job moderating (obviously), and I'd prefer never to be in such a position again.
All that said, I don't want to just wash my hands of the affair and move on. If he ever returns, he owes everyone an apology and concrete action, and I'll be among the first to demand it.
CJ hurt a lot of people. I think I'm the worse culprit because I didn't intervene, even though it was my responsibility. If I could do it again, I would have heeded the words of POC folks both on and off my instance and kicked him out until he made proper amends (in the eyes of the community, not my own). Cryptids was supposed to be a safe and fun place, and I betrayed so many people every time I turned a blind eye.
As his admin, I allowed my friendship with him to cloud my judgment. He was not answerable in any meaningful way, and I even egged him on occasionally. That's part of why I don't want Cryptids to ever come back. I don't think I did a good job moderating (obviously), and I'd prefer never to be in such a position again.
All that said, I don't want to just wash my hands of the affair and move on. If he ever returns, he owes everyone an apology and concrete action, and I'll be among the first to demand it.
CJ hurt a lot of people. I think I'm the worse culprit because I didn't intervene, even though it was my responsibility. If I could do it again, I would have heeded the words of POC folks both on and off my instance and kicked him out until he made proper amends (in the eyes of the community, not my own). Cryptids was supposed to be a safe and fun place, and I betrayed so many people every time I turned a blind eye.
I think that, second to the descendants of the natives I insulted, I am sorry for the environment on my instance that I fostered. Good, good people like Bees and Nadia had nothing to do with the wrongs done, and they probably had to deal with some real rough stuff transitioning to other, better instances.
I saw someone write that my apology and strategy is like a youtuber, meaning it's self interested and just aimed to make people stop being mad at me. That was not my intent, but I think it's a really fair criticism, especially given the past where I've apologized and then continued to let the cryptids bullshit happen.
The only thing that might lead to reconciliation is me showing a truly contrite and repentant heart, acknowledging my wrongdoing and making active steps to amend. And, again, time. Words are cheap. I'm not the victim, those whom I hurt with my racist statements on January are, along with members of the otherkin community. I want to apologize to each of you, and if you're interested, my DMs are open. I would be honored to have the chance to hear you out and learn more about how you'd like to see me participate in building a better fediverse.
The only thing that might lead to reconciliation is me showing a truly contrite and repentant heart, acknowledging my wrongdoing and making active steps to amend. And, again, time. Words are cheap. I'm not the victim, those whom I hurt with my racist statements on January are, along with members of the otherkin community. I want to apologize to each of you, and if you're interested, my DMs are open. I would be honored to have the chance to hear you out and learn more about how you'd like to see me participate in building a better fediverse.
Deleting prior flippant toots because they don't convey that I take my wrongdoing seriously. I do.
Posted from Husky, a good app.
There's honestly no apology in the world that will make things right. I've yet to find one, anyway. Only time will prove that I've changed, and I'm ok with that. I'm gonna go back to posting and I promise peace and kindness only from my end.
So, tl;dr: I'm back. I posted racism in January and repeatedly acted defensively, reactively, and with cowardice. I eventually fled. I was wrong and racist and bigoted. I won't do it again, and I'll prove it. I loved this community, yet allowed my instance to poison it, often actively aiding and contributing for a cheap laugh. I'm disgusted with myself, and I seek repentance. Maybe forgiveness one day, but a few posts apologizing won't cut it, and I realize that.
So, tl;dr: I'm back. I posted racism in January and repeatedly acted defensively, reactively, and with cowardice. I eventually fled. I was wrong and racist and bigoted. I won't do it again, and I'll prove it. I loved this community, yet allowed my instance to poison it, often actively aiding and contributing for a cheap laugh. I'm disgusted with myself, and I seek repentance. Maybe forgiveness one day, but a few posts apologizing won't cut it, and I realize that.
It is true that I made a racist statement regarding ancient practices of native POC in the western hemisphere. It was wrong to assign my white POV to a completely different and proud, beautiful culture. It was wrong, and I won't do it again. I was racist.
If you're angry with me, good. I'm angry with me too, but part of what was wrong is that I tanked Cryptids and fled. That was cowardice, and privileged. I chose not to face the music.
If you're angry with me, good. I'm angry with me too, but part of what was wrong is that I tanked Cryptids and fled. That was cowardice, and privileged. I chose not to face the music.