My producer asking my permission to work late tonight, because “I know you really don’t want us to have a hustle culture, but I would love to finish this one thing” 🥹❤️

relationships are like two person cults: you leave and you’re like “oh wow how did I put up with that for so long”

Self-love is working a problem, and muttering “yeah I agree” to myself when I think of a solution

My jokes usually involve me explaining the joke (this is funny because people think having to explain a joke means that it’s bad)

My local UPS store gave all its customers tongue scrapers for Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone and good luck figuring out where everything goes when unloading your relative’s dishwasher

A lady told me “watch out for that automatic hand sanitizer dispenser, it will squirt everywhere as soon as you get close to it” and I said “reminds me of my high school boyfriend” and she laughed but little did she know I did not have a boyfriend in high school and it was a joke built on lies

I know the extended 💬 makes it seem like I’m typing out a very long text message but I’m really just trying to find the right emoji