I'm trying to think of questions that have a similar vibe. these may be way off (I'm not trans) so take with a grain of salt -
a religious person meets someone in their congregation and asks if they are a convert or were born in.
a person on a date asks their date, a single person, if they are divorced or never married.
I think I would struggle to define the category being asked about in these questions too. It's something about history and expectations.
TERFs brazenly use their own slurs, TIF (trans-identified female, aka a trans man) and TIM (trans-identified male, aka a trans woman). They don't care at all about respecting each person's chosen terms, they only care about ideology and enforcing their viewpoint.
I'm very frustrated by the apologists saying, "well, cis people don't necessarily identify with that term and we should respect that". It's not so simple, what term would they like us to use instead? They never offer one. They want the absence of any term, because they want to enforce an ideology where only they are normal. So they can make up any mean words against trans people that they want, but we can't even factually describe them with a neutral term?
title tag as well, so that it shows up when you hover your mouse over it. Here it's in the alt tag only so it seems broken if you're used to checking with a mouse.