wife: Are you still playing that ninja game?
me: Yes.
wife: What’s so great about it?
me: Um… the character development?

Who wants to pull a US flag out of my ass?

One good thing about big fake eyelashes is they make your neck muscles stronger.

I saw one of my coworkers eating yogurt on toast, and I pointed at the food and firmly said, “No.”

If AI is so smart, then why does Reddit keep showing me things similar to things I have downvoted? No, Reddit, I do NOT want to see buttholes!

Ross Dress For Less has the best toilets for public pooping.

I am into hardcore BDSM, but just emotionally.

No one has accused me of having an acerbic wit recently.

Be who you are. For example, I am trying to be a guy who only drinks water, but the energy drinks keeping pulling me back in. Live your truth!