peen heartthrob

136 Followers
125 Following
188 Posts
sink or swim or just be fat because fat floats and swimming is hard. super married.
@Baley damnit
"excuse me while i take this call," i say, holding a s'more to my ear.
Smooth jazz is just like regular jazz aside from the intermittent, "your call is important to us. Please remain on the line and someone will be with you momentarily."
@JenInProgress hen I think
Let’s be honest: more jokes should end with “surprise, bitches”
I dislike exercise so much I won’t even jog my memory.
@madness832 idk I’d try them once
just saw a stripper with eggs stuffed in her g-string
@EWM I’ll need a note from your parents
@DaveRussell you’re welcome. I also do legal and financial advice