peen heartthrob

136 Followers
125 Following
188 Posts
sink or swim or just be fat because fat floats and swimming is hard. super married.
"excuse me while i take this call," i say, holding a s'more to my ear.
Smooth jazz is just like regular jazz aside from the intermittent, "your call is important to us. Please remain on the line and someone will be with you momentarily."
Let’s be honest: more jokes should end with “surprise, bitches”
I dislike exercise so much I won’t even jog my memory.
just saw a stripper with eggs stuffed in her g-string
don’t forget, only sluts and drug addicts use dark mode
I just tooted on an elevator
you seem nice, go away
My normally full of jokes and shit mind has become barren
It’s a little known fact that humans didn’t have opinions until they could express them on the internet.