"excuse me while i take this call," i say, holding a s'more to my ear.

Smooth jazz is just like regular jazz aside from the intermittent, "your call is important to us. Please remain on the line and someone will be with you momentarily."

I dislike exercise so much I won’t even jog my memory.

My normally full of jokes and shit mind has become barren

It’s a little known fact that humans didn’t have opinions until they could express them on the internet.