I miss the old version of my gf - sh.itjust.works
Hey everyone, Maybe someone here can help me, I think I need external advice
even though I’m scared of what it might be… So, I (M22) have been in a
relationship with this amazing girl (F21) for almost 2 years now. We were each
other’s firsts in lots of ways, I never thought I’d meet someone so sweet, so
caring, so exciting, who would love me back. Since the day we met, we’ve
talked/texted each other every single day without fail, since we became
official, I’ve said “I love you” everyday. A few months ago, we decided to move
in together, and found a nice apartment that we signed the lease for. We’re
moving in the next week. We were so happy and excited for the future, even if
we’ve been practically living together for the last year, I’m really looking
forward to sharing my life and make a home for both of us, and so is she.
However, for the past month or so, she’s been missing from my life. I mean, we
still cuddle at night, eat meals together, and watch movies together, but it
doesn’t feel like her anymore. Lately it feels more like I’m taking care of a
dead plant that demands snacks, food to take to work, and that makes a mess in
my apartment. To be clear, I never had a problem with this before, I used to
cook for both of us, do the cleaning, and I don’t mind going to the store to get
us a treat, it’s just that I’ve been transitioning from boyfriend into
caretaker. Randomly she feels sick because she doesn’t take care of herself, but
I’ve dealt with her having the flu and stuff like that before with no problem.
I’m scared that I’m gonna turn into her servant or that she’s gonna use me and
discard me. I miss the version of her that was spontaneous, the one that would
get on top of me and make out with me if the movie was boring, the one that
would ask me to get a condom whenever we had a bit of free time. I miss her
spark. I hate this person that wakes up before me and masturbates watching
tiktoks before getting to work, I don’t like to tease and kiss this version that
sits naked after a shower watching tiktoks until the food is ready. I noticed
that this is what hurts me the most, whenever we have tried to have sex lately,
she doesn’t feel good or she finishes before we start or I have a chance to feel
good, last night she cried as we were making out and we had a long talk… I’ve
talked to her, she knows my feelings about what I’ve said here, and I can see
she’s going through something. She admitted it herself, she might be depressed.
I want to help her, I want to get her the help she needs, I want her back. But
she won’t help herself. I can’t hide my feelings too well, this morning the
usual tiktoks woke me up and I felt betrayed, last night she had no libido and
couldn’t even be naked, but 8 hours later she spent 30 minutes masturbating to
AITA reddit stories. Honestly, I’m scared she’s taking me for granted, I’m
scared that she’s secretly a bad person taking advantage of me, I’m scared of
losing her. I feel neglected, but I can’t demand sex or force her to overcome
whatever it is that’s making her depressed, that’s not what I want, I just want
to see the person I fell in love with again, to see the face that makes me
smile, to feel a soft kiss that gives me butterflies, to be with the version of
her that I miss when I listen to her playlist. I’m at a loss, I don’t know what
to do anymore. My mind is telling me to break up with her, but what am I going
to do with the apartment we have together, what am I going to do with the gift I
got for our anniversary, what am I going to do with all the memories of her, I
still love her. I never stopped loving her, even for a moment. Can anyone tell
me I’m being crazy, that I’m over thinking, how can I help her?
