BeTheCookie"This town ain't big enough for the both of us," he said, pulling out a map with land annexation plans that should clear up the overcrowding
mister_blank
- 112 Followers
- 20 Following
- 23 Posts
me: one natalie please.
natalie merchant: what.
cop: [through megaphone] IT’S ALL OVER YOU’RE UNDER ARREST.
blimp thief: [also through megaphone] OMG HOW DID YOU FIND ME.
Velocirooster adminensis 
The DJs are out tonight, spinning trash can lids and manhole covers and traffic circles, pushing crosswalk signal buttons and clicking through turnstiles, leaning into their earmuffs, nodding silently. This isn't a party. It's not an invitation to get down. This is just for them.
not fair that the northern lights aren’t visible everywhere. lemme run an idea by you - lights at a reasonable latitude.
journalist: what’s that plane?
howard hughes: it’s the spruce goose.
journalist: why do you call it that?
howard hughes: [glaring at plane] because it’s a fucken asshole.
howard hughes: it’s the spruce goose.
journalist: why do you call it that?
howard hughes: [glaring at plane] because it’s a fucken asshole.
Ely Kreimendahlnot having a favorite dinosaur is SUCH a red flag. big dead inside vibes
i think the job with the steepest learning curve is probably a mountainside train conductor.
Swim JeansWAITER: would you like to try the chef’s special, tender snow crab?
ME [getting defensive]: maybe but there’s no reason for name calling
Jon BakerDo you think all skeletons know how to play their rib cages like a xylophone from the get go or do they have to practice?