Today is Autistic Pride Day. I'm not sure how to describe what it's like to be autistic because I don't know what it's like to be neurotypical, I have no frame of reference to compare myself to. I just know that I'm me, whatever the hell that means.

I know that I'm someone who gets very passionate about a few hyperfixations, and sometimes has trouble even pretending to pay attention to other things. I know that sometimes I get really heated about my obsessions.

Sometimes maybe too heated.


A little over a year ago, I found out that I'd apparently upset the people I thought were my closest friends. But rather than tell me what they're upset about and try to resolve things peacefully, I only found out about it in the form of "Hey we all got together behind your back and decided to get rid of you."

I don't know what to do when people don't tell me things. They berated me for not "having the right read", as if I'm supposed to be a mind reader. Are neurotypical people mind readers? I don't know, no one ever told me they were, and like I said I'm not good with things people don't tell me.

Is this even an autism thing? Surely it shouldn't be, not knowing things I'm never told ought to be normal, but people keep acting like it isn't. It wasn't the first time people expected me to just know things I don't understand how I ever could've known, and it probably won't be the last. All I know is that I struggle with communication in a way that others seemingly don't, I struggle to be what people expect me to be. I don't know what's really wrong with me.

I lost something very important to me over it, and I've been empty inside ever since. I can't stop dwelling on what could've been different if only people would just tell me things before it's too late.


For anyone I interact with, I ask you to please do one thing for me. If I ever say or do anything to upset you, please just tell me. If something is becoming a problem, tell me before the problem gets worse. I won't know if you don't tell me.