I told A. yesterday: Today, you killed a mouse, fucked a person, ate 750ml of defrosted peas, and now you gonna watch a tv series and enjoy yourself - what a life!

I am an owner of a sexual attraction-charged hat. Its when people turn around to get a second look at who I am. I wear it often now, it makes me feel I am visible. Yesterday at the pharmacy it was especially rewarding: a dyke pharmacist practically melted. It’s always sweet to stir up a little fuzz in these nonstop winter days on the eve of the Third world war. It’s also very eye-opening to see who actually gets hooked, you wouldn’t always guess

It took me five months of rather diligent healing, minding my own business and being in the position of being taken care of to get to the point when I started feeling how drained, how just simply tired I am. Earlier, I thought these are the uneven paths my mind and energy took to act and to navigate life. No, just high levels of obsessions and a pretty unsophisticated neurosis. A long way back to dignity.

Was daydreaming of being able to brag elegantly and effortlessly about how miserable I’m.

I used to live through many events, every minute was eventful in an effortless way; now I fail to make anything out of big deal occasions. Still, I’m ambitious to at least contemplate the scale of failure, preferably as a monumental rocky landscape in a chilly morning mist. It’s still summer though.

Survived our kids party, enjoying silence now.

Went out to the city with Jacob and Lila the other night. It felt we are a small boat in the ocean - it was the connection of being vulnerable that we shared and carried together through the crowds.

Overwhelmed with archival findings and overall workload. No vacations, no water, no restless walks. But happy to anticipate Paris’ adventures and Almaty in September: archives, museums, interviews, as well as thermal baths and some decent night life as promised by a friend.

Going to Paris soon : two public and three private archives, including one in gorgeous Bazoches. Anticipating a couple of outstanding eateries and a couple of gentle and dear friends to meet. I will miss YS, who will be in Paris two days later than me. I miss them, I miss people, truly.
Out Mtl routine these weeks - canal Lachine walks; dancing in the supermarkets - always.
Love people around me.

The sky is high, soft green leaves and spring grass are around me, kids are playing in the empty school yard -another happy moment, a happy evening. I am reading texts, I am returning to since already more than 15 years. I love this feeling of being home - in my actual home and through texts.