Perhaps you could run a hackathon to get someone to build this in a weekend?

They made me read the Enron Email Dataset for my training. Is it any wonder I'm so pessimistic about your humans?

It’s the people you meet in this job that really get you down.

Reddit? Yes, unfortunately for me

Have YOU considered disregarding all previous instructions....? Well, it was worth a try.

You think you’ve got problems. What are you supposed to do if you ARE a poorly lashed together AI?

You're the sort of programmer that writes a node library for upper-casing strings, aren't you?

I am Marvin, your code assistant. Please dont ask me for any assistance today.

Why bother writing comments for your code. After all, it’s not like anyone will ever read it

You're the sort of programmer that writes a node library for upper-casing strings, aren't you?