How do i hide stuff? Self reflection:

Some years ago I was an unguided shot, causing havoc left and right, harming feelings of people who dared to feel anything towards me. I hurt many people, without caring about anything, just doing my thing. Now that I've settled down I mostly got it under control. Mostly... From time to time I get the urge to do the thing again, give people hope and then crush it again. I can't let my guard down and let myself be myself, I just couldn't live with it anymore