I put up a very good fight, and have few (but not zero) regrets. I plan on sticking around and sticking it out for as long as I can. But, if you see me stepping back and stepping away, please know that it’s not because I don’t care.

I’m having to give up many dreams in the hope of survival.

The questions get increasingly heartbreaking and dehumanizing. I’m aware that my time, energy, and effort is severely limited. I exist in the in between of “can mask the pain and difficulties pretty well” to “hey, life is not worth living like this” on a daily, if not hourly, basis.

I hope that very few people can relate to this. I hope that it is so outside your realm of experience that it sounds fake. Because I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

Every day is a gamble.

Will I get to eat today?

Will I get to leave the house?

Will I be able to shower?

Will I be able to feel the lower half of my body?

Will I be able to wear clothes without feeling like my skin is on fire?

Will I be able to get up the stairs?

Will I be able to move both sides of my face?

Will I be able to see or hear or feel?