What’s up with Myrrh being more prevalent?
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I heard my dad’s voice for the first time in 8 months yesterday.
I heard my dad’s voice for the first time in 8 months yesterday. - Lemmy.World
Yesterday was my birthday. A few years ago, when I was in a bad place mentally, I didn’t answer my dad’s phone call to wish me a happy birthday. He left a voicemail in which he sang the song to me and hoped I wasn’t just working at the pizza place and went out with friends. That was about a year before the isolation of Covid times led him to start drinking vodka on the regular. He was never able to stop more than a few months at a time after that, even with rehab, therapy, and AA. It felt like a race between him figuring out how to quit and how long before his body couldn’t give him more chances to do so. At the start of September, I moved him across the country to be closer to family while he recovered from another round of binge drinking and starving himself. I had quit hard liquor a couple months prior after getting too drunk too fast for comfort at my friend’s wedding. After this weekend I stopped drinking everything else. At the end of September, he lost the race. He managed to call an ambulance when he realized this detox felt different, walked himself outside to meet them and only passed out when he was on the stretcher. A day later in a medically induced coma complications ended his brain’s faculties and he died. The only sign of what he had been thinking was the book he brought to the ambulance. The last marked page ended with a character scared after an encounter whispering to himself “still alive, still alive.” I have not drank for 9 months now. I was headed that way before, but now I feel I can’t. To do so would disrespect what my dad went through. Yesterday was my birthday. I made plans with my friends for a full day, but before I left I listened to that voicemail for the first time since he left it for me, before I had reason to worry about him, when I was the one he worried about. I miss him so much. I hope he would be proud.
I’ve become self-centered instead of self-absorbed
I’ve become self-centered instead of self-absorbed - Lemmy.World
In college a few years ago, I decided to spend that time building up a foundation of beliefs and philosophy while my brain finished developing that would serve me for the rest of my life. This focus on self-improvement led to less mental energy spent on other people. I think this has given some the impression that I’m a little narcissistic, but I’ve been pretty good at avoiding overconfidence. I’ve long considered myself self-absorbed but not self-centered, focussing on myself but only so I can be a better person than I’ve been. Last Friday I realized that at some point I moved from one to the other. I stopped listening and started waiting to get conversations over with, only wondering what I was going to need to do for them. I stopped growing because I ran out out of things I had thought of that I had a reason to learn. I don’t like being like this. I am trying to shift from a “what do I need to do?” attitude to a “what do others need that I can help with?” Any advice?