jakery bluecheckmark

@[email protected]
256 Followers
134 Following
135 Posts
Don’t I know you from twitter?
TikTokhttps://www.tiktok.com/@jakerydont?_t=8ZMLrNG2Gs6&_r=1
twitterhttps://twitter.com/search?q=from%3Ajakery%20-filter%3Areplies%20min_retweets%3A30
jakery bluecheckmarkNov 17, 2024

[kid lost argument with me]

7 YEAR OLD: Mommy?

ME: she’s busy. And she’s going to be on my side

7: she’s too sweet to be on your side.

jakery bluecheckmarkSep 19, 2024
It’s giving “Captain Von Trapp wouldn’t buy me fabrics”
jakery bluecheckmarkSep 19, 2024
On two occasions I’ve met people whom I later learned were on cocaine. Both of them wanted me to make a movie starring them
jakery bluecheckmarkAug 15, 2024
My wife has been trying to convince me that I’d be a good Cub Scout leader. She ended with “the only thing you wouldn’t be good at is showing them how to be a good person”
jakery bluecheckmarkOct 4, 2023
OWW MY FUCKING EARDRUMS
jakery bluecheckmarkSep 27, 2023
Dear Texans: do you ever get desperate to show stage pride and use the flag of Liberia? 🇱🇷
jakery bluecheckmarkSep 19, 2023
The North Face merits a competitor called The South Ass
jakery bluecheckmarkSep 18, 2023
we regret to inform everyone that Jake faked his own death today. The fake cause of death is unknown. We insincerely ask that his family be kept in your thoughts. Funeral services will be held nowhere. In lieu of flowers, please donate to jake’s Venmo so he can cash in on this ruse
jakery bluecheckmarkSep 16, 2023

5: Im gonna under-arrest you for not taking care of your kids

ME: I do take care of my kids

5: no you didnt,your kids have been kidnapped

ME: arrest the dude that kidnapped em

5: I’ll under-arrest both of you

[im lying face down on the couch,hes smacking me w/ a foam stick every time he talks]

jakery bluecheckmarkSep 14, 2023
A tshirt gun but it violently dresses the target