“Hot girl summer” is not here yet. First we’ll have *hobbit girl spring*: we’re eating seed cakes for our third breakfast, making vast quantities of potatoes, weaving garlands of apple blossom, and dozing off on our favourite armchair by the fire.

Being a goth is not just for the young and edgy! We need more elderly goths who sit knitting cosy jumpers in graveyards. Goths who bake skull-shaped cookies while cheerfully chatting to their raven pals. Grandma goths.

Stop glamourising “hustle culture” and start glamourising the Frog and Toad lifestyle.

I don’t want to “maximise my productivity”, I want to step through a wardrobe and have tea and buttered potatoes with a family of talking beavers.

Instead of joining this place, I wish I could have joined this: