took forever thinking it was bios that was not letting me boot headless. on the debugging front thats what I get for isntalling an OS and updating the bios at the same time I guess.
kern/49398: i386-current GENERIC (i915drmkms) boot hangs if monitor powered off (or not plugged in!) . been like this for a long time I guess :) but I found it thanks to
https://mail-index.netbsd.org/netbsd-users/2024/04/20/msg030959.html