While very sleepy on the bidet this morning, I tuned to Junior High Drinking Fountain, but went straight to Hamm's The Beer Refreshing. In simpler terms, my butthole is closed for the Thanksgiving holiday

It kinda sucks to try to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me and how do I medicate the fuck out of it?" in your 50s

TTW, on review of a clothing item, girls will be all, "It was HUGE on me, I was SWIMMING, and that was an xs." Look bitch, I know you can wear mouse clothes. Good for you. Shut it so the rest of us can get real reactions to adult human-sized clothes

Scorched earth is so lovely this time of year

Horizontal cowgirl so I can still use the heating pad

Patchy Dense Fog always sounds some idiot I dated in my early 20s

She's a 10, but when she tries to use the exclamation "ugh," she spells it like UGG