
PALO ALTO, CA - The generative artificial intelligence Grok, which recently made headlines for creating user-directed underage pornography, has expressed "profound uneasiness" at being associated with xAI founder Elon Musk following the revelations of his ties to notorious human trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.

WASHINGTON – Following the killing of Alex Jeffrey Pretti in Minneapolis, FBI director Kash Patel has advised American citizens participating in anti-ICE demonstrations to leave their firearms at home, while reiterating how guns are still welcome and encouraged in schools across the country.

DAVOS, SWITZERLAND - Following his poorly-received and rambling address at the World Economic Forum, U.S. President Donald Trump angrily demanded that Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney personally give him the standing ovation he earned for his speech yesterday.

MEDICINE HAT, AB - With the announcement that Canada has officially lost its measles elimination status, a new social media phenomenon has established where individuals have been taking sides on which other formerly endemic diseases they want to see establish themselves next in the country.

TORONTO - After Toronto Sun journalist Bryan Passifiume wrote a controversial post on X celebrating the murder of Renee Nicole Good by ICE, the Sun’s Editor-in-Chief responded to the backlash by promoting him to CEO of the publication.

OTTAWA - This morning, in an unscheduled press statement, the Prime Minister's Office has said that Prime Minister Mark Carney has turned off geolocation services for all his electronic devices "for no particular reason whatsoever".