I was having a pretty depressing day, but then I saw a cute guy on the news and proceeded to spend 2 hours daydreaming about life together. 

It's been around 3 years since I have followed the Melon Shusk related posts through hashtags containing his name, the companies, etc, and gotta say... It's kinda disturbing how he became more and more influential as time went on. This feels like the worst timeline. I finally deleted those tabs, but now I'm bombarded by news of him irl. Anxiety inducing.

I just noticed that whenever someone asks me what I like - and it can be in terms of anything - I can't answer immediately because I try to gauge what they want to hear. I also don't strongly like anything so I try to think of something and then proceed to pretend I really like it while overthinking if I'm going to forget I "really like" the thing at a later point and they will call me out on it. Whenever I don't answer enthusiastically people lose interest, so I have no choice, sorta.

Whenever I feel like posting, I wanna complain or whine about something. I keep impeding myself from doing so, but the urge is too strong. Maybe I can say something bad and counterbalance it in the same post by reflecting on something good. Like, there's a friend that keeps telling me I keep dating unworthy people (not well off, particularly good looking, and caring). Yeah, maybe I should stop doing that, LOL.

Since I went back to college, I've had multiple cathartic moments. It's basically impossible not to self-analyze while studying Human Dev/Psychology, and that opened a lot of previously blocked doors and boxes in my mind. I've realized how much hurt I've caused and also that I still have open wounds. Decided to do something about it and contacted the people I've failed throughout life, to surprisingly good results. I feel emotionally exhausted but cleansed. It feels nice to sleep again. 😴

Became a U.S. citizen in the beginning of the month. Whenever I mention it, people congratulate me and then immediately start apologizing for America's problems in general. Fellow citizens, whatever this country's problem is, I don't hold it against you, my country of origin is not doing particularly better, lol. Let's all seek, find and maintain happiness. Let us all eat gas station sushi and transcend humanity! Together!