alternate universe in which lua, and not python, became the de facto glue language

you wouldn't write "./start_ares_program" because you've run that bastard script 1000 times already so you're probably fzf-ing through your (one assumes `set hist_ignore_all_dups`) shell history but because you run a lot of shell scripts you assign them mnemonic prefixes which pick a leading key combination maximally distant on a keyboard (you wrote variants for colemak, dvorak and qwerty. you use qwerty but swear you're switching to colemak) from the last N prefixes to minimise keystrokes

airports are designed to separate delicate feminine airplanes from the grubby claws of the general public

a car alarm has been going off every 30 seconds since the wee hours of thursday and i'm on the verge of [redacted]

AS AN EXPENSIVE COMMENCEMENT SPEAKER: *clears throat* we are, all of us, the future of forensic science. *leaves podium*

oh, no, i'm practicing traditional chastity. you know, kneeling before a mirror every night and being assailed by horrifying visions of a skeletal knight chasing me through the woods, the diaphanous fabric of my dress torn and bloodied by the thick underbrush

BRITISH PERSON: my favourite Commodore 64 game is probably FIST OF THE WINE WEASEL. you choose from one of four different milfs each with their own distinct playstyle and mechanics, and you have to defeat this wretched mustelid who's kidnapped your husband but - more importantly - stolen your wine

part of the problem with soi-disant 'AI' is that 'Artificial Intelligence' sounds too cool. so i propose instead that we standardise on 'DiMaCuNe' - 'Dismal Math on the Computer for Nerds'