Going to a rock concert tonight and pregaming by purchasing earplugs, putting arch support inserts into my sneakers, and leaving the Advil out on my nightstand.

LinkedIn feels like speed-dating at OfficeMax.

I will become interested in pickle ball once it loses popularity and no one wants to play with me, as god intended.

“Alexa, get me off this tarmac.”

Me, watching the indictment roll in.

The real secret is that the space aliens arrived, looked around, said “nope,” and gunned it the hell home.

My father’s magnetic travel Scrabble set, circa 1954.

Watching the Barbie and Oppenheimer trailers back-to-back was plenty.

New mantra: "I've forgotten why I've walked into this room."