SAG’s Halloween costume rule for struck work has completely ruined my plan to dress up as a virgin river.

You l know you’re living a privileged life when you can post a cool photo of yourself on social media with the caption “challenge accepted.”

The National Archives sent a letter to Dan Quayle asking if he still has any classified memos. Quayle reportedly responded, “I think you mean memoes.”

Jimmy Carter just discovered some classified documents in his heart.

Sources tell me that George Santos is planning to be sworn-in to Congress on a first edition hardback of James Frey’s “A Million Little Pieces.”

There are only two universal maxims worth knowing: nobody ever went broke recording a Christmas song and nobody can digest corn.

My girlfriend almost dumped me the other day because I remembered where we parked at IKEA by adopting a Bugs Bunny voice and saying out loud, “A9 a stinker?”

Sometimes I worry that right before I die, a cosmic clerical error will cause Adam Carolla’s life to flash before my eyes.

Zeppo baby.

I will never understand why “It’s all downhill from here” is used to express anything other than utter relief.