I truly wish I could just live as a brain in a jar so I could experience the incredible joy of my body being sent through a wood chipper then set on fire

January was too good and I let it lull me into a false sense of progress. Now it's February and any forward momentum or coolness in my life has stopped and I'm back to being a pile of nothingness. The delusions of grandeur got too good there for a minute

I love my husband very much, but the fact that he couldn't find the ratchets in *the ratchet drawer* is concerning. Why I gotta stand up, walk to my box, open a drawer, and attach a 7mm to my shorty boi for a grown ass man?

I've decided I only want to fuck with transverse engines. I'm too short for that longitudinal shit

Somebody needs to make a handbook of girl shit for dads. So far today we've been through "why did you let the kid go to school in just tights? These are not pants" and "painting nails takes much longer than 5 minutes, therefore is not a bedtime activity."

I've determined that the 968 currently at my work is my mortal enemy with 4 wheels. The driver door is a battle to open, it's uncomfy as hell, I'm too short for it, and it takes massive right arm strength to get it into first. Luckily it's winter so I didn't have to roast to death sitting directly under the fucking windshield.

I've just shown my husband what a vajankle is. Please send your thoughts and prayers to the advertising algorithm I've likely just ruined for myself

Watching The Last Of Us tonight was brutal but so beautiful but very annoyingly has caused me to unpack some emotional shit that I am not interested in dealing with

My sister in law had a lovely wedding tonight featuring tacos and sushi. Fantastic combination on paper, but my digestive system is questioning the choice

How is it that only today I discovered Ikea's Blahaj is a trans cultural icon of sorts? And here I was thinking my stuffed shark was just cute and cuddly. Now I'm wondering how to politely ask a stuffed animal what pronouns are preferred