Ho-ly shit.

Need I say more?

In the span of the last two years, I almost completely forgot that my Mastodon accounts existed. The current retrograde...Or six...Might have something to do with my resurfacing...At least on this instance.

So where do I begin?

February 15, 2019 was my last rar on dragon.style, and since then? Well, a winding wayward waltz of whimsical whacky what-the-fuckery that involved rebuilding my fursuit into its current form, getting my feet planted in a new state and a new city in...You guessed it...2020.

Do I need to go into the details at this point?

Oh I definitely will, but I'll save those horror stories for another time.

2021 was off to a rocky start, but over the last ten months my vaccinated ass is crawling out of this whole dark night of the soul with more stability than I ever could have hoped for.

Hell...To think that five years ago I was living in a van on an industrial road in Seattle.

Now I live in Springfield, Oregon with a small house, and I just wrapped up on my first commission as an independent freelance filmmaker.

Yep! That's right.

I completely switched gears and moved away from trying to be a cartoonist. Returning to my lifelong passion for making movies.

Finally making some use of that VFX degree I've been sitting on since 2016...Amiright?

Anyways, it's good to be back. There's a LOT to catch up on so I'll bite off one piece at a time. From my stint as an apocalyptic delivery driver, to surviving Oregon's worst fire season on record, to falling into a psychotic episode in the week before the election.

I have a lot to get out into words, but for now I just wanted to signal to whoever is still listening...

Roady's back!!!

As I've grown older and more independent, it only becomes more clear to me that everything within the system of capitalism is a cult in one form or another. Every authoritarian regime in general is a cult, in one way or another.

A military recruitment office is no different from the church of scientology. Both exude nonimposing facades with bits of enticing propaganda. Strategically located in areas more likely to be populated with the destitute and disenfranchised who have been conditioned for years to believe that they have no real autonomy.

Only to have whatever is left of themselves completely stripped, reprogrammed and brainwashed to become a mean to someone else's agenda.

This isn't just the military, or a fringe cult like scientology.

Amazon is a cult. Both in the way of exploiting the destitute and disenfranchised for cheap labor, and enticing consumers to perpetuate the cycle by handing over their money. Because Jeff Bezos and the minister of a southern baptist church are no different. They always need money to further their fucked up agenda.

The most, and seemingly only jobs available, are service jobs. Recruiting the destitute and disenfranchised and forcing them to dedicate 80% of their waking life to stocking shelves and putting up with abuse from higher ranking individuals or "customers" from a better-paying cult that they in turn are endentured to.

Everywhere I look, I see cults.

Cults, cults, cults.

A sensory overload of total cultception.

The United Cults of America.

Is it wrong of me when I find myself frustrated by fellow empaths who try to see the good in everybody? I know that comes from a part of myself who used to be the same way, so this doesn't apply to every empath out there. There are plenty like myself who have been through the meat grinder and have come out realizing just how hard we are on ourselves. In turn attracting people who reflect that.

What bothers me is those who are so willing to see the good in everyone that they are easily influenced by corrupt individuals with an agenda and collapse into tears the moment they muster up the courage to set boundaries.

This annoyance is more out of concern for these people. Tough love. I imagine anyone who's also been a victim of abuse and harassment feels the same way. It's downright painful and maddening to see another sheltered empath make the same mistakes that you yourself have made and knowing that all you can do is pray for them.

All I gotta say to the complaisant and the gullible... Very bluntly... Is to wake the hell up.

Question authority and stop being a goddamn sheep for the predators to feast on. Also, for the love of yourself and the universe, take off those rose tinted glasses. You have intuition. So start using it to protect yourself from the predators who would otherwise hypnotize you into showing your neck.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. Especially if you don't stand for yourself. Because in the midst of this hidden war between empaths and sociopaths, you are your first and last line of defense.

From my standpoint, the term "Chaos Magick" is intentionally named such because the initial reading of it is supposed to shock people who aren't willing to delve for the deeper meaning of the title.

This is because, generally, the term "chaos" is used in a negative context. Twisted as such by dogmatic individuals who are obsessed with order, or reckless idiots who want to cause mayhem and destruction. Both of which stem from a need to externalize their own internal issues by way of trying to control and abuse people.

The term "chaos magick" has a multi-layered and positive meaning if one is willing to set aside knee-jerk reactions to the word "chaos" itself.

The path surrounds the ability to blaze your own trail. To create one's own reality. To be confident in one's ability to have a moral grounding within themselves instead of externalizing and becoming dependent on an established doctrine or authority.

Thus the term "chaos" isn't used to describe destructive forces, but to describe, and I quote from the merriam Webster dictionary, "the confused unorganized state of primordial matter before the creation of distinct forms."

In a sense, chaos magick is like working with clay. Source/cosmic energy that is used in the process of manifestation is a medium by which you co-create with the universe and sculpt your life. While you create, the universe is the instructor that provides input, tools, and critique.

If one were to draw parallels to chaos magick, the closest relatives would be that of shamanism and sorcery. It's about dancing with the universe in synchronicity. Working directly with source to create the spiritual equivalent of an indie film.

That's my description of Chaos Magick in my own words.

I've reached a point in my life where I can come from my center more... It's getting easier to avoid knee-jerk reactions to things I may possibly misunderstand, or situations where I may be misunderstood.

In the short span of just 27 years I'm looking out from the top of the mountain like an old man with a lot of experiences behind his eyes and the agency to manifest and co-create his life path. With the biggest lesson of my life summed up in just one word...

Temperance.

Don't react, respond. If you don't control your emotions, then you allow other people to control you. It's the most liberating feeling the world over when you know you can be rooted in your ability to stay calm and collected, whether it's a simple discourse where you may feel misinterpreted, or the intense experience of bearing the brunt of a person who's yelling in your face.

Because now I know I have autonomy, and that warrants an intense emotional response. I'm crying... I'm crying in happiness because I know I'm free, and I'm truly grateful for it. I'm crying in happiness because I can temper the fire to forge my life.

Because every day it's becoming easier to just love myself and live on my own terms.

I can't control how people respond to me, but I can control how I respond to them. That's freedom.

Fuck the Joneses.

Oh? The Joneses think I'm jealous?
Because I'm not keeping up with them?
Why would I be jealous about jumping off a cliff?

Because...
Fuck their five bedroom mansion,
Fuck their freshly manicured lawn,
Fuck their stupid ass 102" flat screen 16K FUHDTV.

Fuck their cookie cutter narcissistic values that are grossly enabled by this culture of colonialist greed and privilege.

You know what I want?

Rough around the edges.
Rugged, dense foliage you need to ford a river to get to.

A tiny, unimposing log cabin with a beautiful vegetable garden where I can spend the rest of my days in the humbling presence of the lush, green, fantastical wonderland of the temperate rainforest before it all dries up and burns away. Thanks in part to the Jones's stupid fucking Hummer.

Pop the bubbles of Babylon.
Shatter the fragile porcelain dolls and their fake sense of fulfillment.

Nah. I'm not jealous. In fact, I pity their pathetic, uneventful way of life. The Joneses think it's all about the fancy car, the fancy watch, or whatever shiny little doodad that the dark corporate wizards bewitched them into buying under the delusion that it would somehow make their lives better.

My cheap phone tells the same time as a Rolex.
My moped gets me to the same place as a Ducati.
My second hand tablet with the pressure stain in the corner draws as finely as the latest expensive model.

Oh? Joneses think I'm jealous?
Because I'm not keeping up with them?
Why would I be jealous of waiting in line for a guillotine?

Upon reading more about the concept of Pop Culture Paganism, where individuals utilize characters and archetypes of modern media, it makes a lot of sense from the standpoint of cultural sensitivity.

What's relatable is I tend to follow a path of "pop culture" shamanism. Even if I consider myself a celtic shaman, the basis for my animistic path is very much seated in the aesthetic of 1980s cartoons and comics.

While I don't pray to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Captain Planet, or Littlefoot, I certainly use the environment of that time period as a basis for my rituals and the manifestation of deities that are entirely unique to my path.

Every belief system, every spiritual path, is a manifestation of amorphous cosmic energy. We do with it what we will. If that means joining an existing group, like a coven, a temple, a mosque, or a church, then that's perfectly alright.

I like to take a path that's less traveled. Through the altered state of synthesized music, saturated film grain, and enough cheese to open up a pizza parlor.