When I was 16, I was spending a Friday night hanging out in the *NSYNC chat room on Yahoo as I usually did every Friday night, and I met a man in the chat room who was 31. Him and I became fast friends and it got complicated. Looking at it from an adult lens, he definitely did not have my best intentions at heart and was probably out to do harm, but I was infatuated. We chatted regularly for a few years until he randomly just disappeared. No trace of him online anywhere. No social media, no nothing. Occasionally I google his name to see if I can find him. I don’t know why I still care, maybe he’s in jail somewhere. But every now and then I get curious and frustrated that I can’t find him. told me I was wise for my age. So many red flags, I know. But when strange things happen in your youth, you don’t forget and never stop wondering.

when depression is trying to swallow you whole, blasting *NSYNC in your airpods and having an impromptu dance party in your living room helps. doesn't fix, but nothing lifts me up like my boys. also someone in the *NSYNC subreddit asked what was it like? being a fan in the prime? and man no strings attached release week was the honest to god best time to be alive!! for real!!!

really hoping the chemistry in my brain rights itself soon because this quicksand of depression is getting old and I don't know how to break out of it. it feels physical. like something thick is surrounding my insides holding me down. it feels terrible. I wake up every day hoping to feel different and never do. I go through the motions of work and then get home and immediately get into bed and read or watch youtube until I fall asleep and do it all over again the next day and going out feels like it would take all my energy and everything feels huge and like too much. life feels heavy and where are the things to look forward to? everything just feels like a big old whatever.

if you really know me you know what my fav tv show is!! he was so young, too!! damn!! 2026 can we stop already?

damn!! just saw that James Van Der Beek passed away!! noooooo!!!

Also, I had no idea that the Seahawks were playing in the Super Bowl until I asked Siri what the score was. And they crushed the Patriots! I usually don’t care about sports ball anything, but Seattle is on fire these last couple of sports tournaments! Lol. The Blue Jays, and the Seahawks! Go Seattle go! I practically live there and share their weather, so woo hoo! Lol. I bet the vibes are great there tonight. Hopefully everyone is behaving.

I know Brian McKnight is generally regarded as a pretty shitty person, especially as far as his parenting is concerned, but damn. His classic songs always get me!

I was trying to figure out why I was having such a shitty day today and then I remembered it’s Thursday and suddenly it all makes sense.

Netflix is the greatest night in pop will always be one of my favorite documentaries of all time. I’ve watched it probably four or five times now. Love seeing all of the wonderful behind the scenes footage of the we are the world recording. So incredible how that came together in one night! I just watched it all the way through and really want to press play and start from the beginning and watch it again. But tomorrow is a workday. And unfortunately, watching my favorite documentaries does not pay the bills. Hopefully over the weekend. I remember the day it came out, I definitely watched it twice that day. It ends, and my inner child screams, “again! “

now it's starbucks time. lol. feels good not to be depressed and to actually have energy to do things.