My Skechers, once comfortably snug for about a year, are suddenly so big on me that they're beginning to slip off my heels. Considering the shoes do not appear to be growing, I quickly arrived at a conclusion: estrogen has caused my feet to shrink. I measured, and sure enough that is indeed what happened.

I had no idea this was even possible. Apparently it may even allow me to shop for shoes in the women's section.

Perhaps the strangest #transjoy I have thus far experienced, but I'll take it!

When I see news about #trans people, I somehow can't get it into my brain that the category includes me.

Like, I'll read a headline "Nearby state something something ban transgender something" and think, "That's terrible! Trans folks aren't harming anyone. Someone needs to stick up for them."

No. Bad Cassie. /Us/. Someone needs to stick up for /us/. You've known you're a woman for almost a year now and are literally taking hormones to feminize your body. Cassie /you are the trans/.

I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be transgender. I never wanted to worry about hateful people legislating me out of existence. I had no idea that I would lose my job, my family, my friends. But I have no choice but to be myself. Before, I was standing on the edge, figuratively and literally. So if I could live my life any other way I would have.

Please, world. Please give me a break. I am getting so tired, and I can hardly see the light anymore.

Hubris. It's all just so much hubris. I thought I could make things better.

Before I transitioned, I felt like nothing could hurt me, because I was already empty.

Then I felt like nothing could hurt me, because my joy was impenetrable.

Now I know: I've been hurt all along. A doe limping through the woods, trailing blood from wounds she cannot afford to look back and see. Until she can flee no longer, collapsing in a heap.

And all I can do now is wait for the wolves to close in.

Well it happened, folks. I have officially joined the ranks of the unemployed trans women.

In other words I got fired. 🎉

On the recommendation of several #trans folks on here, I started Tristan Taormino's Take Me There. So far I've only read the first story, but it was beautiful writing. Well worth picking up a copy.

Also discovered I still apparently have issues about this sort of literature, so if you saw a red glow from somewhere in the vicinity of the US Midwest, it was probably just my face blushing in shame. 😳