Things are getting better for me, I'll probably have a job after this friday. I have a wonderful girlfriend who's doing well after getting back to uni. We're living together.

Part of me still feels like i don't deserve for things to get better. About 2-3 years ago i was very close to making a very serious suicide attempt after getting banned from the Hbomberguy patreon discord server. I only didn't because i ended up getting a job around the same time after about 2 years of searching.

How close i was after a decade or more of suicidal ideation, and at least 1 attempt. Its a lot to look back on.

Part of me is scared to think, that i deserve to be happy.

I am still damaged by everything i've been through.

I'm broken. But i think, i hope, i can still make the world as better place after all. That's all i ever really wanted, since i was little. I first wanted to be a historian when i was like 5. However i soon realised no one listened to them.

After everything, i think i can make things better. I think that's great.

I don't use facebook, i'm currently unemployed, i don't have many discord servers, i don't use my twitter anymore, and i don't have many people on here.

So i'm kinda just lonely atm since i also moved countries.