Sometimes I️ put my testicles next to speakers and play the Like Mike soundtrack on full blast so my sperms will grow up to be good at basketball. Science is so neat.

‪I’m proud to announce I️ will be launching a new line of sweaters for your penis. High fashion looks your phallus coming to a 7/11 near you.‬

‪I’ve never had an allergy test so one day I️ might just try some new exotic dish and die, which is probably the most exciting thing about me.

We could manufacture super soldiers if we combined the fearlessness of the elderly with the eccentricism of the youth and the physicality of the kids who did steroids in high school.

The charity I’m choosing to have people donate to for my birthday on FB next year is gonna be my Venmo account.

I️ need to get on this new pet sitting wave ASAP

Taking key bumps of Fun Dip in the work bathroom 🤟

🧐

Airplanes > Tinder